it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
