You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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