It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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