The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
