I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
