I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
