Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
