i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
