tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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