Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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