Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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