I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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