A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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