I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
