the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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