I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We have started to decorate penises.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
