have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
