Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
