Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
