you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
