You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
