The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Vodka?
Forever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
