all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
