I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Someone shit on the floor
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
