Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Floor bacon is actually really good
he just fucked me for my cheese.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
