I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
