there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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