I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
