do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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