Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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