just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
