your parents love me but you hate me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
