don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
