This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
