You just made me feel so damn special
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
