Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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