Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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