Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
