The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she smelled like a LAN party
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
