If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
