We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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