I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
