hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
