Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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