Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
