Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
