I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
