well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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