thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
