the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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