Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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