I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
