Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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