he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
