I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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