she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
